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Six Years Gone October 7, 2011

Posted by battysgirl in Friends & Family.
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You would think that after six years it wouldn’t hurt so much to have another anniversary of mom’s passing   It may not have as bad this year if I weren’t so hormonal from this pregnancy, but I can’t say that for sure.  I started crying earlier in the week this year than in the past few years.  The first real bawl out was when I saw an ambulance with its lights flashing on the side of the road and I immediately had flashbacks to seeing her wheeled into one outside of her house.

Although I have already learned that it doesn’t truly get easier with time, but rather that you just get used to missing someone; that missing them becomes your new normal.  The problem with that is, however, that every time your life changes, it is a new normal to assimilate to.  As as I sit and dream about having my second child, I also have to get used to the idea that its ANOTHER grandbaby that my mother will never meet and that will never know their Nana from anything other than a picture in their bedroom and in the living room.

It is so weird to have a child that has never spent a moment in my mother’s presence and still see so many aspects of Mom in her. 

I see my mother in Celeste when she gets the same twinkle of mischief in her eyes right before she is going to do something naughty that mom would get right before she pulled some kind of silly joke on Dad or someone else.

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I see my mom’s same streak of stubbornness and independence when I ask for a hug and Celeste says no, but then slowly but surely comes closer and closer to snuggle up to my side, the same way my mother would grimace when I hug her but smile as I walked away.

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Physically I can see mom in Celeste’s bright eyes and perfect tan.

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I’m also forced to smile when I see my daughter’s perfect curls and remember all the failed perms my mother tried in 90s… (Does anyone have a photo of mom with her poof of hair?)

But, I’m determined not to be maudlin today, I’m going to play with my kid, share silly stories about her Nana at bedtime and celebrate the life I shared with this amazing woman (and maybe, just maybe, have another good cry before bed).

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Comments»

1. mikavr1 - October 13, 2011

A week late, but hugs.


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